apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
