I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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