So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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