brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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