Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
