We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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