Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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