Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
