There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
