Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
