dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
