Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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