All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
