And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
