Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
