I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
