mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
