This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
