is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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