Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
