My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
