i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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