I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
