i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
