If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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