He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
