Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
