my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
