I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
