pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
