Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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