Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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