is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
