I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
