Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
