Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
