i think my tv is drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
