We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
