i barfeds in our rink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
