Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
