Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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