So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
