we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
