there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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