when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
