that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
