yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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