Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
