Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
