Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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