hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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